- September 23, 2020
I look at myself in the mirror,
My cheeks pale from all those late-night crying, from all those times I would be secretly crying inside, you know those cries that you cry, when you feel like tearing out your guts from the inside.
“Why am I sad I suddenly” say to myself… silently almost whispering?? You know when you suddenly have that awakening moment and you are like what the heck, why you doing this?? Why are you so sad?
I whisper to myself again… “why do you carry so much emotional baggage?
Are you always sad because you carry your emotions around with you?”
I started to carry my emotions with my hands so I could feel and touch each and every feeling individually, I wanted to dig deep, because I am that touch and feel type of girl.
So, I began… I began to carry my emotions with my hands.
I usually would carry my emotions in my heart, but my heart became too weak, the burden, the pain, the tears, all that brokenness all ended in a mild stroke.
My mind wanted to end this pain, ease the load off my heart, so it created a temporary home for my emotions, my thoughts.
My mind was emotionally strong, it had the mental capacity, the wisdom to decipher my emotions, but they kept drowning my mind, so much negative energy, so much bad vibes, dark thoughts.
My mind, so sound, so wise, but day by day it became so emotionally drained……. Almost suicidal.
My hands saw the pain, the emotional damage these emotions had done to my heart and mind and said “let me ease your pain, load them here, I am here to carry each pain, each day I am here, offload them onto me… I am built for this; I inscribe, I create, I would create a home….. a home where I can inscribe these painful emotions your feel….”.
Now they have inscribed my emotions onto this paper.
They allow to express myself, who I am, my emotions.
They allow me to carry my emotions with so much poise, so much gracefulness.
My hands, the freedom to emotional happiness.